I haven’t written to you in a REALLY long time. The last time we corresponded I had a high school student, a college sophomore, wasn’t a gardener, thought I didn’t like cats, always wore high heels, had never snuggled a sloth, was convinced I would never want to stay in (much less own) a camper, wasn’t an empty nester, couldn’t claim to be an “expert” angler…and I had never been afraid to share what I was learning.

Sharing my learning has felt super risky, so vulnerable, too hard. Things just felt “scary”. How could I write to you when what I was learning was filled with discomfort and uncertainty? What extended metaphor could help me communicate the massive shift in…everything? My learning wasn’t cute, it hasn’t been fun, it has cost me a great deal, and I am forever changed. The lessons that I have learned over the past three years have at times left me absolutely breathless, without sure footing, and wishing for the “world to be in uniform and at a sort of moral attention forever”.

And yet, in The Great Gatsby (quoted above) and in life, the most profound learning often comes from the greatest struggle. There is even an educational term for it, “productive struggle”: cultivating robust mental habits, such as resilience and adaptability, should take precedence over a narrow pursuit of the right answer. Anticipating initial uncertainty when tackling a problem is essential (ChatGPT).

Generally speaking, I only like a small side of struggle, a dash of adversity, a sprinkle of hardship with my learning. The last three years have been a Golden Corral, all-you-can-eat, buffet of struggle. I have never learned more.

My last post was an effort in encouragement from what must have been the eye of the storm, getting ready for the “messy”, preparing for the next wave, bracing for impact. Now the storm is over (or at least clearing), and we are all in the process of rebuilding something new. This feels somehow like a bookend to my “pretty paper napkins” post. A marker of what came before and what is coming next.

A few soundbites of what I know now that I didn’t know then:

• Leadership is hopeful, not fearful.
• Not everything is an emergency.
• We need to celebrate the process.
• You have all the resources you need if you have a good team.
• It is obvious in my work when I am not rested.
• We are more resilient than we thought.

A couple of things that were reiterated to the point that it almost feels like new learning:

• Impact has nothing to do with your title.
• Everyone needs a coach.
• We are always better when we work together.
• Change is hard, change without a plan is harder, positive change without vision is impossible.
• Joy is everywhere that you decide to look for it.
• I really like animals.
• My family is my whole entire world and I am head over heels for these three Helms’ men I get to call mine.

I am happy to report that I am no longer in the scary part of this learning journey. I can take a deep breath without being reminded, the ground is level, and I can appreciate a good plot twist as we work toward reshaping our educational system for the students we have sitting in our classrooms. I am not sure if I will keep writing to you, although I am glad that I kept paying the yearly fee. Thanks for waiting for me to catch up with myself-patience is an underrated form of kindness…we should probably extend it to ourselves more often.

Still Learning,

-Ash